Anger's Message

Once you realize that you're angry you can let it go.

It's done its job: informing you of a disconnection.

We can keep disconnecting, or we can solve the problem by connecting.

What's your choice?

-- doug smith

Is Anger A Problem Solving Tool?

Problems can make me angry. It's tempting to express that anger. Sometimes it's even necessary to express that anger, in a productive and safe way. But, it's too much to expect that anger can solve the problem.

Anger calls attention to its cause. When it's a problem, we notice our anger. We get motivated to react.

Anger might be simply doing its best to identify a problem. Just don't use anger attempting to solve it.
-- doug smith

Center Past Your Anger

Getting angry doesn't mean we need to stay angry.

-- Doug Smith

Drop The Anger

Do problems make you angry?

Sometimes I get so angry at a problem that I get sloppy with that anger and it spills over at people. That's not good. That's not useful. That's not centered problem solving.

It doesn't help me to be angry with someone for not solving my problem.

My problems are up to me.

Other people can help, but I shouldn't assume that they will.

Other people can be great resources, but I shouldn't take them for granted.

And when other people make mistakes, getting angry won't make them smarter or better. It just makes them mad

I'm going to work on getting angry less often at unsolved problems because the side-effects are too dangerous. That feeling of anger is a sign, just not the sign I've been reading. Don't get angry, I'll tell myself, get active.

-- Doug Smith

What have you learned today?

Avoid the Emotional Attachment

Do you ever get emotionally attached to a problem?

I do. I'm not proud of it and I'm working on stopping it but sometimes a problem gets under my skin. Sometimes a problem wraps me up into an emotional ball that now gives me a second problem to deal with.

You can get mad at that flat tire and change it or you can just simply change it. The choice is yours.

Why not solve a problem before you get emotionally attached?

It will go faster and think of all that energy you will save.

-- Doug Smith

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The Targets of Our Anger

What makes you angry?

Do you ever feel anger and wonder where it came from?

Sometimes I've noticed that anger appears out of scale with the thing that seemed to trigger it. Maybe it's an accumulation of aggravations. Maybe it's a sustained patience that has become unsustainable. Maybe it's a lifetime of little disappointments. The anger boils, flairs, and erupts. At that point it can be highly unhealthy.

We lash out. We shout. We blame. We break things. Humans can be so sloppy sometimes. We lose our center and our balance lists like a ship in a storm. Our storm of anger rocks our world.

Maybe you haven't experienced this, and if not, maybe you've seen it in other people. It can scare.

Where the anger heads though isn't always where it belongs. Fall out occurs. Innocent feelings and people are hurt.

The targets of our anger are seldom the cause of our anger.

We punish the wrong people. We overreact to minor disagreements propelled by the build up of restraint.

What's the answer?  What do you do to defuse your anger? How do you manage your center?

Without pretending to know THE answer, I would say that some of it is preventing the build-up. Staying true to your values. Opposing unfairness in the moment, instead of tolerating. Staying assertive so that aggression seldom become necessary.

In other words, staying centered. Staying mindful of our circumstances and speaking and acting with courage when courage is needed. For if we suppress or deny our courage, our anger takes control.

-- Douglas Brent Smith